These Advice given by My Father Which Helped Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience soon turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good place. You must get support. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to discussing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a wider failure to open up amongst men, who often hold onto damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to ask for a respite - taking a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."